Heartbeat

Heartbeat By: QueenChaos

I seem to have a problem; and this is what it is.
I seem to be falling.
Not literally, since that would be quite fine.
At least, that would be better than the falling I’m doing now.
The falling I’m doing now is much more… Figurative. Much more deep. Much more confusing.
See, when you usually fall, several things happen.
But it’s a set several things.
Nothing else happens after.
It hurts, you’re injured, and that’s it.
You can heal, or if it’s a severe fall, heal with longer time, but overtime it heals to a nothingness, or in extreme cases, a small scar.
See this isn’t like what I’m feeling right now.
This type of falling has many different outcomes.
It can end in happiness, laughter, a world of perfection, a utopia. It can make you feel wonderful all the time, and truly blessed.
It can also, however, end in worse pains than regular falling.
It can tear your heart out without even a single physical scratch. It can eat you from the inside, until you’re a hollow shell of what you once were.
It can make your thoughts tangle, palms sweat, eyes wet, and heart beat faster.
It can render you helpless, not able to do anything but think of it.
In a way, I like regular falling better.
At least the consequences aren’t as much.
But no, my heart always goes a different way.
Each time I refuse, my heart takes the bait, tries to gamble.
More often than not, it loses.
More often than not, I end up with deeper scars, longer gouges, more pain.
But for some reason, everytime, my heart continues to take the challenge, to try to win with stakes put up high.
This time?
It’s no different.
My heart decides to take the leap of faith in which there are spikes down below, and a beautiful island past the sharp chasm.
And once again, I can feel myself falling deeper and deeper into the pit of despair.
But this time…
This time there’s something different.
I don’t feel as much falling anymore.
I feel like I’m…
I feel like I’m flying.
Soaring high above the clouds, and this is a sensation I have never felt before, making me wonder if I’m crazy, or maybe just out of my mind.
The minute I open my eyes, I realize, I’m on the island.
I’m on the Paradise that only my heart has been leaping for, but never fully me.
It’s not until I land that I realize that if I had to break my heart again a billion times more just to come to this place, I would do that all, and more.
I know I would choose that path,
In a Heartbeat.

IMG_2201