A+ or F-?

A+ or F-
by The Saleswoman

I’m a straight A student and I’m in my 12th grade.
I’m failing school and I’m in grade 10.

I spend my time studying and completing homework assignments.
I try to study and do homework but never understand it, so I go and watch tv.

Everyone expects so much out of me because of my consistently good grades.
Everyone expects so much out of me because of my older siblings.

If I don’t get valedictorian this year, I’ll be a failure.
If I don’t get higher than 50% I’ll have to retake grade 10.

My teachers would all be so disappointed and I would too, knowing I could’ve worked a bit harder to get it.
My teachers would all be so tired and upset of seeing me fail, knowing that I don’t work hard.

Is it my fault that I try to get a goodnight’s sleep instead of studying late into the night?
Is it my fault that I try so hard to understand what we’re doing, but no matter how hard I try I don’t understand it?

If I don’t get valedictorian, I’ll have to take courses over the summer before university.
If I don’t get above 50% in every course I’ll have to take summer school over the summer.

It would almost be as bad as it was when I found out that Stanford only gave me a half scholarship instead of a full one.
It would almost be as bad as last year, when I had to stay after school for one hour three times a week after school to work with a tutor for a week.

That was horrible, I was melancholy for weeks afterward.
That was horrible, I would cry for hours when I got home because of how I couldn’t understand simple things when the teacher would try to explain it to me.

It’s not just me that expects so much out of myself, it’s my parents too.
It’s only me that doesn’t expect anything more than 50%, my parents on the other hand expect so much out of me.

I don’t want to disappoint them, they put so much pressure on me.
I don’t care what anyone thinks, but my parents still put so much pressure on me.

Sometimes I wish I could be just like my younger sister, she doesn’t care about what anyone thinks.
Sometimes I wish I could be just like my older sister, she does so well in school.

It doesn’t make any sense to me; how can you not be an honour roll with distinction student and despite our parents pressure on her, she just doesn’t care?
It doesn’t make any sense to me; how can you get 98s and 100s on every single assignment?

How can someone not be so worried about grades and not spend all their time in their room studying and doing school work?
How can someone spend all their time studying and doing homework, how can it come naturally to her?