Miscarry by Avrel F.

Miscarry Avrel F.

A Poem About Audrey Hepburn


I feel empty

but I continue on with my life because there are people rooting for me

cheering from the sidelines, filled with a terrible mix of envy and love

If only they knew what my life has morphed into

the emptiness is a black hole that tries to swallow me

every minute is a countdown to the next

I use my calendar as a crutch

I don’t stop because they did not do this to me

it is not their fault that my face is haunted by tears

that the sight of a stroller spins me into a depression  

eventually the pain numbs

sometimes it pulls at me

but for every three sobs, I can breathe

it used to be that I could not breathe at all

 

I am Naive

I tried again and it seemed as if life was being kind to me

happiness fogged up my rear view mirror

stupidity and recklessness crept up behind me

an accident waiting to happen

and it did

now all I can see is darkness

“she is perfect” they say

as if I am not a human being

it could be possible that I am not

everything that grows inside of me dies

what kind of person has that power

the world sees a garden and all I see are thorns

I have reached an unfathomable level of heartbreak.

 

I am content

joy rings through my heart

I wake up to two smiles each day

two hearts that own mine

the longing that once pulled at me sleeps

peaceful and undemanding

my mind is a camera

trying to capture their magic smiles

their entrancing innocence

they are the cocoon to my butterfly

my shelter

my greatest loves

 

I wish that wishing worked

the battle between selfishness

and happiness

I wanted more but I had enough

as I mourn the “what ifs”

tears stain my face

my pain is an invisibility cloak

I wear it at all times

I am trapped in a snow globe of despair

and life is shaking me

until my glass breaks

light illuminates the world

brightening my surroundings

I do not feel okay

but I know one day

I will